Campaign of the Month: October 2017
Blood and Bourbon
“Call in the airstrike—no, bring in the nukes.”
Common reactions upon meeting the Boggs
Boggs Status •••••
Lineage: 8th gen. childe of Alegraza Giovannini
Embrace: 1883 (ghouled 1865, born 1837)
Sindaco of Slidell, Capo of St. Tammany Parish, soldato emeritus, and Inviato of Clan Giovanni and his sire Padrona Alegraza Giovanni. Besides his insular, if iron-grip over his parish and mortally descended clan of inbred, cannibalistic rednecks, Cletus is presently known for his control over Textron, a multi-billion military-industrial company; his nominal alliance with Antoine Savoy; and his recent clashes with such notable trespassers as John Harley Matheson and Rocco Agnello. The former altercation spurred Cletus’ participation in George Vernon Smith’s 2015 trial; whereas, the latter led to Cletus hosting a soiree that included Camarilla luminaries such as Seneschal Maldonato (in spirit), Roderick Durant, Elyse Benson, and heralds of Miss Opal and Coco Duquette. A devoted ‘family man’, Cletus is also known for siring at least three childer, namely the single-blooded Buford Tebow and Bobbi Jo Boggs and double-blooded Isabelica Calero-Pisanob.
Boggs Status ••••
Lineage: 9th gen. childe of Cletus Lee Boggs
Embrace: 1987 (ghouled 1987, born 1961)
Cletus’ second-eldest and sole double-blooded childe. Born in Managua, Nicaragua as the youngest child of Adolfo Calero–an American-educated Nicaraguan businessman and leader of the largest contra rebel group opposing the Sandinista government (i.e., Nicaraguan Democratic Force)–Isabelica helped her father, and the Giovannini (particularly the Boggs and their military-industrial puppet, Cadillac Gage), secure, manage, and manipulate the bank accounts into which money was deposited and then used to buy supplies and arms as part of the Iran-Contra Affair. Her maternal ancestors were Pisonab, who taught her their family’s infamous heritage and sorcerous secrets of Aztec necromancy. Due to both her lucrative military-industrialist acumen and her necromantic aptitude, Isabelica was ghouled by a local Pisonab. Shortly thereafter, she was captured and tortured by the Sabbat-allied Sandinista and forced to drink caustic vapors which permanently maimed her vocal chords. Isabelica was rescued by Cletus-allies, flown back to Slidell (alongside her father who was called to testify before Congress), and subsequently rewarded with the Embrace from the Boggs patriarch. Since then, she has continued to deepen her financial-military connections as well as necromantic prowess, proving to be an efficacious addition to the local Giovannini.
Lineage: 9th gen. childe of Cletus Lee Boggs
Embrace: 1999 (born 1974)
Final Death: 2016 (17 years undead)
Paw Boggs’ youngest, single-blooded childe. Bobbi Jo Boggs was raised in the ‘wholesome’ family environment of the Cryin’ Bluebellies, turning tricks for the passing-by truck drivers and serving generally as a prepubescent pain-whore for the then-nascent White Reich. Despite or perhaps because of this abuse, she became a wild and feral thing, but not without cunning. That cunning and predatory drive helped her to climb the hog-candy chain of the OMC. Moreover, her “professional experience” allowed her to gain a tremendous amount of knowledge about not only the illegal drug and arms trade, but also the general criminal and transportation dealings in the region. Cletus recognized and rewarded Bobbi Jo’s usefulness by turning her into his ghoul and eventual childe after she sufficiently impressed (if chagrined) her Giovannini elders by leading the White Reich to dominate the lucrative drug and arms trade both within and across St. Tammany parish. After her Embrace, Mad Dog Cherry had continued to run the OMC and its related criminal enterprises. Recently, Bobbi Jo was firebombed by trespassing Anarchs spurred by Rocco Agnello’s capture, but she managed to evade final death. However, a mob of enraged wraiths finished what the Anarchs could not, permanently slaying Bobbi Jo during a spectral prison break that later occurred at the Giovannini’s French Quarter manse.
Boggs Status •••
Status: Corporate •••••
Notable Boggs patriarch, Vietnam War criminal, and military-industrial board member of Textron. His first wife, Shirlene-Sue was murdered approximately 30 years ago by Cletus, but not before she bore Calhoun four children: Audrey-Mae, Elrod Bocephus, Floyd Mason, and Wynona-Lynn. He remarried his youngest daughter, who has since born him three more sons: John-Boy, Junior, and Bubba Jesus.
Cletus’ clubfooted bastard who functions as the patriarch’s’ primary herald in NOLA. Current and frequent resident of the Quarter’s Italian House. One of the Boggs’ foremost necromancers who has spent decades researching potential means of creating Boggs revenants. Cannibal, necrophiliac, and serial killer by proxy. Usually accompanied by his surrogate mother-servant, Bambi Earlene Boggs—or at least her zombified remains.
Reverend Wilbur T. Boggs
Status: Church •••
Evangelist whose mouth all but smokes from the heat of his fire and brimstone sermons. He isn’t actually a certified reverend, but he ate one for dinner, and in the eyes on his kin that’s good enough to establish his spiritual authority. The clan’s native reverend has no physical church, but travels throughout the parish, conducting sermons and sacraments with impromptu fireside and tent-staked revivals. Although far from lacking funds, Reverend Boggs always wears the same stained, threadbare black suit, ecclesiastical collar, and flat-brimmed preacher’s hat: all mementos taken off the corpse he devoured to obtain his bonafides. Wilbur himself is a middle-aged man with Boggs-blond hair streaked through with gray, a thick mustache and bushy eyebrows that bunch together when he rails against God’s enemies—or fights a similarly pernicious war against man-flesh indigestion.
Status: Politics •••••
Slidell’s five-term mayor and political boss of St. Tammany Parish who also happens to be a cannibalistic gourmand and child molester. He’s turned the parish into his personal fiefdom and wields a grotesque degree of power over virtually every aspect of its civic government.
Boggs Status ••
Cooter & Cooper Boggs
en-time winner of the annual man-pie-eating contest, Dale also holds the record height amongst his clan, measuring a giant-sized 7’2”. Atypical for a Boggs, Dale is an only child, though some say he simply starved his siblings by gobbling up the family’s food. Dale’s parents, however, are still alive, though infirm and wholly dependent upon their son’s care. Dale used to work at the creosote factory before it exploded the second time. Now, he settles for odd jobs in town and around the parish, digging fish ponds, installing sewage tanks, and hauling lumber. A Covington shylock once tried to hire Dale to strong-arm another Boggs into paying his debt, but Dale punched the loan shark through a wall, crippling the man’s legs and shattering twenty of his teeth. The parish deputies considered arresting Dale for the assault, but ultimately decided it wasn’t worth the effort or the injury (as both would likely be their’s). While certainly no “gentle giant,” Dale is rather simple-minded and sedate compared to his more sociopathic, sexually debauched kin. He likes to listen to Reverend Wilbur’s sermons and has recently become convinced that Paw Cletus is God.
Davis Jefferson Boggs
Boggs’ head of surveillance, telecommunications, and electronics that has resided and worked at the plantation manor since receiving the Proxy Kiss from Cletus in the early 1980s. Nine-year Army veteran who was initially drafted during Vietnam and worked for ECOM before becoming Slidell’s primary cable guy. Afflicted by childhood malnourishment and rickets. Currently single.
Floyd Mason Boggs
The Boggs’ most notoriously skilled helicopter-pilot, Floyd Mason Boggs was a swaggering, forty-something bayou bumpkin. The Afghanistan and Iraq War vet favored Army flap-hats over buzz-cut blonde hair, mud- and blood-crusted overalls, and absolutely nothing else. Socks and shoes were particularly anathema to the hillbilly pilot (as he was wont to say he liked the feel of the earth beneath his feet even when flying). A toothpick typically dangled from his snuff-stained, helter-skelter teeth, and his muddy-brown eyes were just a little too close together. Sired by Calhoun and Shirlene-Sue, Floyd Mason and his sister-wife Audrey-Mae were the proud (if neglectful when not abusive) parents of a half-dozen children, including: Bushrod, a locally renown coonhound breeder; Fanny-Rae, a less renown pie-maker on the city council; Waynelle, the runaway pot-queen; Abner, the White Reich’s mascot; and a yet-unnamed child who was due to be born in a few weeks. He swore to kill his nephew-brother John-Boy once the younger man got released from prison. Most assume the blood-oath was due to John-Boy’s past affair with Floyd’s sister-wife during the pilot’s military deployment, though some rumors imply the vendetta has more to due with a stolen pickle jar and broken lawnmower. Floyd Mason was killed by Davis Jefferson during the Soiree Night Slaughter, alongside his sister-wife, Audrey-Mae and their unborn child.
Status: Corporate ••••
Boggs ‘black sheep’ who graduated from both high school and college and is a Certified Public and Management Accountant. Currently works as the de facto CFO for Textron and is the clan’s reluctant book-cooker and less reluctant (but more secret) blood doll of Sugarbelle.
Status: Politics •••
Elderly wife of St. Tammany Parish president of Réginald A. Delahoussaye whose socio-political influence has only grown since her husband’s ‘accident’ that left his larynx damaged. Despite her husband’s iconic use of a respirator, Lucile smokes constantly, claiming she now has to smoke “fer right two of us." Unbeknownst to both her husband and his domitor, Lucile was recently ghouled by Cletus to further tighten the Boggs’ grip on local politics. Despite her age, “Buttermouth” is still known as one of the parish’s best ‘bone-smokers,’ and regularly gives lessons to the Camarilla Debutantes. Her other hobbies include enticing local “negroid” children to shoot each other with high-pressure BB guns, with the winning prize going to the kid who makes all the others “cry uncle.”
Ruby Mae Guidry
Former Camellia Debutante who was first ‘mated’ with Rebs’ best football players, then married off to Roy Guidry, so she could raise her son, Dawson Beau Guidry, to extend the Boggs’ influence in Covington. Due to her husband’s riches, her son’s local fame, and her own politesse and well-aged beauty, Ruby holds significant social clout amongst the parish’s upper crust (though some still look down on her due to her Boggs’ heritage). Although she considers her husband an annoying, if necessary, twat, Ruby loves to please her son—in every human way possible.
Teenage pot-queen, part-time hooker, and former roommate to Smokey. Child of the now-dead Audrey-Mae and Floyd Mason and fugitive ward of Mayor Wayne-Dwayne Duvall.
Child and current wife of Calhoun Boggs. Her mother, Shirlene-Sue, was murdered by Cletus, drained dry and half-eaten in front of the then nine-year-old Wynona-Lynn and her older brother Elrod (who was too busy watching TV to notice). Ever since then, Wynona-Lynn has attempted to check Cletus’ murderous thirst by running a rather crude “blood beer” distillery, where she experiments with various cocktails of different blood sources, including pigs, chickens, dogs, and gators; as well as humans of all ages, races, genders, and backgrounds. When not so occupied, the sexually and socially extroverted Wynona-Lynn waits tables at sundry diners, restaurants, and BBQ joints owned and operated by her kin. The rest of her time is spent devoted to her husband and brother-sons, including the 21-year-old Bubba Jesus whom she still breastfeeds.
Afro-Nicaraguan ghoul bound to Isabelica who serves as the butler of the Boggs’ plantation. Former butler to past Nicaraguan President Anastasio Somoza DeBayle. Incredibly protective of his current charges and their domicile, and is largely responsible for the relative degree to which the Big House has withdrawn from and become off-limits to the Boggs’ masses. Consequently, Armando is ill-regarded by most Boggs, above and beyond his status as a “wetback-nigger,” and has been given the sobriquet of “The Roach.”
A barrel-chested, red-bearded, kilt-wearing ghoul from the Old World sent to reestablish contact with this American branch of the Dunsirns on behalf of his Scottish kinsmen, and who never fails to remind Cletus that he should visit Edinburgh and meet his many-times-great-grandfather, Cormag Dunsirn. Several centuries old, Callum still considers his nearly thirty year visit to Slidell a “wee peedy drop in der bucket to an auld bastart.” Any homesick the ghoul may have had for “Embra” was recently alleviated when the Dunsirns sent him the red-haired, Scottish beauty, Donalda Dunsirn—even if the woman did not take kindly to the man’s other wife, Trixie Boggs-Dunsirn, a gap-toothed bikini model who isn’t doing too much modeling after getting slugged in the face with a running weed-whacker by Donalda.
Like Callum Dunsirn, Franz-Dietlof Koenig is a long-time plantation guest who serves as the ghoul liaison between the Boggs and his own Giovannini-adopted family (and their respective arms manufacturing enterprises). Besides his regular flights to Germany to receive his domitor’s vitae and the occasional international arms deals that require his direct presence, Franz has otherwise been a seventy-year resident of the Big House. The White Reich OMC has an unrequited obsession with their “real-live Nazi.”
Chickasaw ghoul, descended from the original tribe that first hosted, then attacked De Soto. In his own mortal lifetime, Levi was a slave owner in St. Tammany parish who allied with the Confederacy and fought as alongside local greybacks, most notably including the Boggs. The Gangrel archon Roger Halliburton ghouled Levi and turned him against the rebels out in the parish swamps, leading to Cletus’ own defeat and ghouling. After Halliburton’s final death, the Boggs patriarch enlisted his erstwhile companion into helping him design his local railroad empire. After Cletus’ Embrace, Levi continued to serve the Dunstan-descended vampire as confidante and corpse-communing counselor. When not called upon by his domitor, the laconic genius typically idles his time living as a railway hobo or overseeing his modern slave-run farm deep in the recesses of the Bogue Chitto National Wildlife Refuge.
Boggs Status •
Plays the meanest banjo anyone’s ever heard so long as he’s sober enough to actually strum his fingers along the instrument. The three sheets to the wind alcoholic sporadically works as an electrician for those too dumb or too ignorant to have heard of all the houses he has accidentally burned down by installing bad wiring. After running up his tab at all the local bars, Billy-Rae has been blacklisted from every legal watering hole in the parish, and has had to turn to Jessie-Mae to keep his whistle wet. During one drunken rage, Billy-Rae nearly strangled the preteen to death after she said wasn’t running a charity and refused to give him a free drink. She got her revenge though by giving him a jug that was more paint-thinner than whiskey, mostly blinding the alcoholic. Needless to say, his impaired eyesight has done nothing to improve either his electrical or musical talents.
High school football celebrity, Cajun imbecile, and youngest child of Wynona-Lynn and her dad-husband Calhoun. His family high school graduation BBQ was simultaneously his 22nd birthday and the wedding between Micheal Kelly and Peggy-Lee Boggs.
Clyde Tucker Boggs
Thelma-Lou’s husband and co-proprietor of Big Chief Chopped BBQ. As a much younger man, Clyde helped form the White Lightning gang, a group of highway bandits known commonly as the Blitzer Boys. After robbing tourists coming to and from New Orleans along I-10, they tried to hold-up a train. However, things went sideways and Clyde was caught and sentenced to almost thirty years at the Farm. Old habits die hard, though, and the parolee has resumed casing customers of his roadside diner and truck-stop –although most (but not all) of the jack-rolling is left to younger stooges. Used to coerce Peggy-Lee into sexually manipulating or distracting the marks of the “New Blizter Boys” –though Clyde’s own jail-born peccadillos meant that he personally preferred Otis-Lyle’s ‘affections.’
The Camellia Debutantes
Each year during Slidell’s homecoming parade, local young women compete for the ‘honor’ of joining the Camellia Debutantes: a group of six adolescent girls who serve as the city’s “official ambassadors.” Akin to the more nationally famous Azalea Trail Maids, the Camellia Debutantes are nominally selected for their beauty, cultural pride, politesse, and embodiment of Southern hospitality (judges usually include Mayor Wayne-Dwayne Duvall, Calhoun, and the Rebs’ varsity football captain). Once chosen, the Debutantes don extravagant antebellum-style dresses and adopt the mannerisms and affectations of that era as they perform their official duties, which include greeting and entertaining notable visitors; assisting local, parish, and state civic functions; and organizing and leading Slidell’s Mardi Gras float in New Orlean’s parade. Beyond the inherent rewards of civil service and the privileges that come with being local celebrities, the Debutantes are allowed to reside at the plantation’s luxurious mansion for their year-long term.In truth, though, the Camellia Debutantes serve first and foremost as Cletus’ and his childer’s blood-dolls. Not all survive their term, and most have their memories radically altered to preserve the Masquerade. However, those who manage to particularly please their Kindred masters are often granted the Proxy Kiss and then either retained in their current capacity or sent out to perform other tasks that generally rely upon similar talents.
This years’ Debutantes include Roxxy-Belle (a former Rebs cheerleader squad captain who has mostly convinced the others that she remains queen bee); the “nearly-identical” twins, Sunny-Mae and Daisy-Mae (who are spitting images of one another except for the fact that Daisy-Mae only has 11 toes); the cathouse cousins, Maddi Joe (a not-so secret intersex), and Rhonda-Sue (an even less secret bestiality-star), Rhonda-Sue; Darla-Dee, a former waitress and reformed prostitute at Cryin’ Bluebellies; and Magnolia-Lynn Gause, who is atypical in that she is only three-fourths Boggs, last year’s high school valedictorian, and a virgin (not counting dead people).
Covington High School varsity quarterback who is respectively vilified and idolized in Slidell and Covington. Son of Ruby Mae Guidry who was literally bred to be a pigskin prodigy. Recently ghouled by Cletus.
Elroy “Crazy Old Sonuvabitch” Boggs
Dementia-addled geezer whose shriveled, wrinkled frame sits in his wheelchair like an old hickory stump. The bitter old man clings to life out of sheer spite. He spends most of his time on his porch, spitting tobacco-juice, spying on his kin, and cradling a double-barreled shotgun to his chest like it’s his daughter’s long-despoiled virginity. Although Elroy is ill content with everything under the sun, his blackest vitriol is directed at his “no-good grandson,” Davis Jefferson, who keeps Elroy’s only daughter, Sarah-Lynn, as his “pet whore.” Approximately thirty years ago, Elroy’s wife won the state lottery, but died three days later in a boating “accident,” leaving Elroy the sole inheritor of her $1.8 million Powerball winnings. Although most of that money has long since been squandered, Elroy nonetheless maintains his “quadruple-wide” trailer mansion (i.e., two double-wide crudely attached), his fleet of pickup trucks (that he can’t use anymore), his collection of hunting rifles (which he can, and does, use all-too frequently), and a rotating staff of black nurses that he abuses terribly (e.g., maliciously soiling himself right before their shifts end, purposefully dropping things and then spilling hot coffee or food on their heads). Elroy no longer remembers his middle name, but assumes that it must be “crazy old sonuvabitch” since that’s what his nurses keep calling him behind his back. The last relative who tried to correct him got shot in the kneecap, so the all-too appropriate “middle name” has stuck.
Status: Politics ••
Junior city council member of Slidell and everyman’s redneck whose most salient qualifications include catching the second-biggest blue catfish on record in 2011 and playing as a Rebs’ defensive linebacker, helping the team reach the Division I state finals his senior year. Currently lives with his uncle-cousin and ‘common law’ husband, Homer-Merle, who is also the Honey Badger’s informal campaign manager (which involves making crude viral videos and handing out beer at social gatherings). The pair run a financially precarious combined bait shop and karaoke bar, complete with singing giant catfish, along the Bayou Bonfouca with Homer-Merle’s aunt and ex-wife, Jeane-Jeane. Homer-Berle is the adult son of the deceased Garth-Bob and Vicky-Mae, whose most notable surviving sibling (as two died from eating rancid food following Katrina) is likely Buffy-Sue. Unknown to both his immediate kin, clan, and colleagues, Homer-Berle fervently believes (but does not share) that God sends him text messages and sends him visions of his angelic mother riding a blinding chrome pickup truck with wheels of fire.
Jessie Mae Boggs
Freckle-faced 10 year-old who’s already her cousin-uncle’s pride running her own moonshine distillery out of her bath-tub. Wynona-Lynn has been trying to recruit the pre-adolescent to join her blood-beer operation, but Jessie Mae enjoys her freedom—and the fact that her liquor might make you blind, but won’t give you AIDS. In an ironic twist of events, Jessie Mae bribed the local truancy officer, one Deputy Mumford Cruddup, to not only stop hounding her, but to crack down on any and all school-aged competitors. Although this strategy has been effective, some Boggs question Jessie Mae’s use of a non-kin lawman. Such nay-sayings, though, have done little to dampen the clan’s thirst for good moonshine—or Jessie Mae’s profits.
Proprietor of Big Chief Chopped BBQ alongside her second husband, Clyde Tucker Boggs. Her first husband, Homer-Lee, blew himself up when he simultaneously tried to manufacture moonshine and stump-explosives in the same half-abandoned two-story outhouse. Before that brief but final incident, Homer-Lee managed to father two children with Thelma-Lou: Robbie-Loyd and Rhonda-Lynn. After Rhonda-Lynn overdosed on heroine and sleeping pills, Thelma-Lou adopted the grandchildren she had been all but officially raising: Peggy-Lee and Otis-Lyle.
Former mid-twentieth century eugenics professor and research at Tulane University whose defunct science and regressive beliefs made him academically ostracized and ultimately unemployed. Subsequently employed by Cletus to complete an exhaustive, comprehensive family history of the Boggs Clan, the maddening Sisyphean task led Dr. Cruddup to commit suicide. ‘Saved’ by Cletus’ vitae, the now blood-bound ghoul has been conducting genealogical research for nearly half a century, and despite making significant progress, is nowhere close to capturing the genealogical horror of the Bogg’s incestuous, sprawling family tree.
Mortal young woman sent to live with her “cousins” by her parents and told, much to her horror, that she’d stay forever if she got pregnant by a Boggs. In contrast to the local blonde, blue-eyed Cajun-clan, Elizabeth is raven-haired, brown-eyed, and olive-skinned, though thankfully her skin is not so dark to be ridiculed as a ‘wetback or nigger’. As much as possible, Elizabeth secludes herself within Cletus’ plantation manse, where she dresses in well-heeled Valentino, Prada, and Versace and privately bemoans the lack of civility and sanity of her distant kin. During those occasions where her presence requires her to walk amongst the Boggs, she dresses far more conservatively and practices her increasingly mastered skill of being overlooked and unnoticed. Only Isabelica seems to draw Elizabeth’s unfeigned interest and admiration, and the pair often spend hours conversing behind closed doors in Cletus’ mansion, much to Paw Boggs’ displeasure.
Status: Police •
St. Tammany deputy and school truancy officer that is now on Jessie-Mae’s pad. Although the young cop abstains from his ’employer’s’ product, he is a frequent patron of Waynelle (i.e., the hooker’s tricks, not her weed). Has half-formed political aims and wavers between violent abhorrence towards the Boggs and not-so secret envy and lust. He attended Slidell High School and played as a wide receiver for the Rebs until his family moved to Covington his senior year. He is currently engaged to a prim and prudish daughter of Covington’s treasurer.
Status: Politics •••
A toothless, larynx-maimed octogenarian who currently serves as both the mayor of Pearl River and the president of St. Tammany Parish. The local son of Cajun logger and Prohibition booze-smuggler, Oscar joined the Air Force, where he served as a bomber pilot in Korea and Vietnam before retiring and becoming a somewhat successful oil man. He also worked as a narcotic smuggler, both before and after his political career, which led to his ill-fated blackmailing of the Giovannini and subsequent ghouling by Isabelica. Long-time husband to Lucile “Buttermouth” Delahoussaye who serves as his always willing, but only partially faithful, translator.
Boggs Status 0
Buford Tebow “Mudbelly” Boggs
Lineage: 9th gen. childe of Cletus Lee Boggs
Embrace: 1944 (born 1925)
The prodigal son in absentia. Decorated WW II veteran and single-blooded, first childe of Cletus who left his sire, clan, and parish for reasons known only to himself and his biological grand-father. Allegedly lives an itinerant lifestyle traveling between cities, concealing his heritage, and performing as a blues honky-tonk musician. Unconfirmed rumors suggest he infrequently returns home, or at least to New Orleans to participate in Mardi Gras festivities.
Bucephelus-Elmer Abner Rufus Winford Tebow Boggs
Toddler named by his stripper mother Candy, so that he might replace the mayor who molested her as a child (after all, he has even more names), but everyone always said that girl’s head head was empty as her gash was full. Ironically, most Boggs mistakenly assume that Bucephelus is the mayor’s son. Candy violently denies this claim, but the meth-addict stripper can’t conclusively identify the boy’s real father—as there are frankly too many suspects. Consequently, just as Wayne-Dwayne Duvall is every Boggs’ cousin, Bucephalus-Elmer Abner Rufus Winford Tebow is sometimes considered every Boggs’ son, and if he doesn’t manage to electrocute himself chewing on power cords, his mother’s mayoral dream might just happen.
The less famous Homer of the Boggs, Homer-Merle is best known as Homer-Berle’s uncle-cousin, common law partner, informal campaign manager, co-owner of a local bait shop and karaoke bar, and co-angler that caught the world’s second biggest blue catfish. Homer-Merle considers himself an ideas man rather than people person, and the socially anxious fifty-year old is happy to let his younger kin play front man to their affairs. Sometimes when he’s deep in the bag, he considers violently murdering his aunt and ex-wife, Jeane-Jeane, but he’s truthfully (and perhaps not unrealistically afraid) that she will come back as a ghost to haunt and torment him. Consequently, he’s the most reluctant and resentment member of their decade long ménage à trois. Homer-Merle also has a far more private and dangerous secret: he prefers watching basketball and baseball over football.
Homer-Merle’s miserly aunt, ex-wife, financial partner notwithstanding their decades old divorce. Lives in a ménage à trois with her ex-husband and Homer-Berle in the small bedroom above their jointly run (and nearly run-down) bait shop and karaoke bar alongside the Bayou Bonfouca, just a rifle-shot away from the exploded, flooded ruins of their former bait shop, home, and defunct pig farm. The nearly sixty-year-old Jeane-Jeane (whose parents were reportedly so stingy, or dumb, that they couldn’t spare but one given name for their daughter) is childless, past menopause, and glad of it. Already crabby, Jeane-Jeane despises fishing as well singing and would certainly poison her ex-husband if she ever convinced him to buy life insurance. Until then, the cantankerous woman is ‘content’ to henpeck, nag, and harangue her male companions and customers while she watches online police chase and car crash videos, crochet tutorials (which she no longer attempts), and Spanish soap operas (she does not speak Spanish) and babies her three-legged pet raccoon named “Kitty.”
Nine-year old adoptive half-brother uncle of Peggy-Lee and adoptive ward of Thelma-Lou. Occasionally tries to pickpocket the diner’s customers, but often fails and gets viciously beat for it. Swears he once heard the Big Chief statue talk to him, but most people scoff and tell him he’d just taken too many sips from the the bar’s liquor bottles. He has a massive collection of plastic army soldiers that he likes playing with after school, though the collection has a rapid turnaround as Otis-Loyd likes to douse them in gasoline and recreate his family’s stories about “napalm parties” in Vietnam. This practice causes Thelma-Lou no end of consternation, but she has given up trying to stop him—“It’s in ’is damned blood to blow stuff up, after all.”
Peggy-Lee Kelly (nee Boggs)
Conjoined adolescent twins, one Sue and the other Ellen, whose parents operate a small roadside bar and Saturday night strip club in Slidell. Sue-Ellen waits tables on the weekends, with her parents reminding their patrons (with baseball bats if necessary) to tip “both” of their waitresses. Comparatively timid for their kin, the twins nonetheless have a borderline psychotic obsession with the Boggs’ more famous, non-conjoint twins, Cooter and Cooper.
Callum Dunsirn’s gift-bride from Cletus. Previously a gap-toothed bikini model who isn’t doing too much modeling after getting slugged in the face with a running weed-whacker by Callum’s second wife, Donalda.
Donalda “Donny D” Dunsirn
Scottish, zaftig beauty whose red hair matches her fiery spirit. Sent by the Dunsirns to Callum as a marital reminder home during his decades-long stay with the Boggs. Donalda’s violent spats with Callum’s first wife, Trixie, are something fierce, even by Boggs standards. Amongst the countless Boggs children, she is known for handing out macaroons and hand-made tam o’ shanters embroidered with lovely statements such as “Trixie’s tits are fake,” “Trixie’s gash smells like wet dog,” and “Trixie’s face makes me cry.”
Roy “Dumpling King of the South” Guidry
Status: Industry ••••
Wealthy restaurant chain owner who lives with in Covington alongside his wife, Ruby Mae, and Dawson Beau Guidry, the teen he erroneously believes is his son. His primary fried dumpling franchise spreads from South Carolina to Texas.
A deaf-mute black manservant seemingly plucked from the Antebellum era. Uncle Tom (clearly not his real name) has served Mayor Boggs for as long as anyone can remember. When the mayor’s wards need punishing, it’s usually Uncle Tom’s hand that delivers the whooping, for despite his advanced age and developing cataracts, Uncle Tom is as tough as whiskey-soaked hickory and quick as a cottonmouth.
Status: Politics •
Executive assistant of Mandeville’s Mayor Ellis Darbonne since 2014. Daughter of Fannie-Belle Rowe, whose vastly more decorated municipal service ended with a stroke and multiple psychiatric institutionalizations. Forced to care for her now invalid mother, Vernadette was blackmailed by the Boggs to serve as their primary municipal mole in Mandeville.
Pets & Animals
The Great Honkey
Bambi Earlene Boggs
Former Slidell stripper who moved to New Orleans to make it “big,” but became just another French Quarter showgirl, stripper, and “star” of the mob’s porn films. “Promoted” to serve as Pervis’ surrogate mother-maid—and still serves him in that role despite being dead for a decade.
State senator and former ghoul who was murdered by his kin in 1962. Currently haunts his death-place, the Big Chief Chopped BBQ, and unwillingly serves the Giovannini as a local spirit-boss and spy from the other side of the Shroud.
Mulatto ex-slaver slain by the same Union soldiers who freed his slaves and butchered his antebellum manse. Death has not diminished his hatred for “colored folk and carpetbaggers who forget their place.” Previously a free-ranging spirit of bigotry and racially-focused rage, Lebrun was recently enslaved by the Nicaraguan Isabelica, much to “Mas’er” Pidoux’s undying chagrin.
BBQ joint owned by Thelma-Lou and Clyde Tucker Boggs.
Haven of Cletus Lee Boggs and his most favored kin and servants.
Clubhouse of the White Reich OMC. Recently taken over by the White Lightning OMC following the Reich’s mass execution at Cletus’ hands.