Wynona-Lynn Boggs

Cajun femme fatale & blood-beer brewer





A several-time winner of Slidell’s beauty-pageant, Wynona-Lynn looks far younger than her forty-plus years of age. The tanned, buxom woman has all the physical qualities that that make the Boggs poster-children for the Aryran race: bright blue eyes, summer-blonde hair, and unmistakably Caucasian features. At the same time, her crooked teeth and slightly asymmetrical face hint at the incestuous, backwoods nature of her ancestry. Most people, particularly males, overlook these less-than becoming traits, as they are overcome by the raw, unbridled sexuality that seems to flow from the Cajun femme fatale. In short, Wynona-Lynn is like a venus fly trap: she has just enough succulent features that her victims only see her predatory nature until far too late.

Demographic Profile

Name: Wynona-Lynn Edna Boggs
Gender: Female
Race: Caucasian
Nationality: American
Ethnicity: American. The Boggs are Scotch-Irish by descent, but to their view, they’re simply American.
Date of Birth: July 18th, 1973 (Slidell, Louisiana)
Height: 5’8"
Eye Color: Blue
Hair Color: Blonde
Complexion: Fair
Education: Some high school. Like many Boggs, Wynona-Lynn saw school as optional: she attended to watch football games and meet boys.
Occupation: Waitress (1988—present)
Religion: Nominally Southern Baptist. The Boggs’ particular brand of Christianity, led for decades by Wilbur T. Boggs, consists almost exclusively of members of the extended clan. Generations of incest, cannibalism, and depravity have warped its dogma into something most Baptists would find utterly unrecognizable, even if Wilbur wasn’t in the habit of rewriting, misremembering, or making up scripture on the spot (frequently casting Cletus and his favorite descendants in the roles of biblical heroes). Most outsiders would describe the debauched “faith” as a cult. Still, the Boggs consider themselves proper God-fearing Christians.



Wynona-Lynn is the child and current wife of Calhoun Boggs. Her mother, Shirlene-Sue, was murdered by Cletus, drained dry and half-eaten in front of the then nine-year-old Wynona-Lynn and her older brother Elrod (who was too busy watching TV to notice). Whether Cletus killed the woman in the throes of frenzy or just for sociopathic shits and giggles is anyone’s guess. Despite such uncertainty, Shirlene’s murder imparted a lesson to Wynona that she has never forgotten: make sure Paw Boggs is never, ever thirsty.

To this end, Wynona-Lynn has been trying over the past two decades to perfect a blood beer to Cletus’ liking. More specifically, she operates a rather crude moonshine distillery, experimenting with various cocktails of different blood sources. These sources include animals; such as pigs, chickens, dogs, and gators; as well as humans of all ages, races, genders, and backgrounds. More recently, Wynona-Lynn has begun drugging both her animal and human ‘donors’ to see whether certain physiological or psychological states better please Cletus’ palate.

When not busy creating new brews or procuring new donors, not all of which are willing, Wynona-Lynn waits tables at sundry diners, restaurants, and BBQ joints owned and operated by her kin. Though more than supported by her husband’s income, the extroverted woman loves the churning, ever-changing press of customers—even apart from the ‘tips’ they provide, be they hematological or sexual.

Despite these frequent indiscretions, Wynona considers herself utterly devoted to her husband and sons. Indeed, Calhoun is aware of (most of) his wife’s infidelities and does not care a bit, so long as she brings the heat every night to his bed and so long as he gets the last laugh, or last bite, on those who cuckold him. Instead, the behavior that inspires violent jealousy in Calhoun is the way Wynona dotes on her sons, particularly Bubba Jesus. For instance, Wynona-Lynn continues to breast-feed her 21-year-old son, and Calhoun prays that menopause will finally wean the manchild.

Wynona-Lynn Boggs

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